Al Habsi pulled off a couple of top saves, but was mostly powerless

Wigan suffered a miserable defeat in even worse conditions at the DW Stadium, partly due to their own defensive frailties but also because of Sunderland’s sheer excellence in front of goal. Though the hosts enjoyed a great first half, they would go into the break 1-0 down and failed to find an answer to the Black Cats’ immense finishing as 2012 got off to the worst possible start.

Latics really went for it in the first stanza, and could so easily have taken the lead as early as the tenth minute when Steve Gohouri forced a goal line clearance from Craig Gardner. The home side settled down to boss the game, getting the ball on the turf and keeping some possession. The undoubted chance(s) of the half fell first to David Jones, who cut his way superbly through the penalty area and beat Mignolet, only to see his strike hit the post. From the resulting rebound, Ronnie Stam played a fantastic ball through to Watson, who emulated Jones’ effort by almost immediately hitting the other post.

The lively Albert Crusat, starting in place of a rested Victor Moses, impressed in his 38 minutes on the field of play. He would have to be replaced by said Anglo-Nigerian when he suffered a somewhat innocuous knock in the back, but it didn’t stop the Latics pressure. Opportunities would also fall to Gomez and the dangerous Jones before the half was out, but the Black Cats keeper was equal to both. Wigan did not want this half to end… or did they? Conditions had become almost unplayable by this point as what seemed like a hurricane swept across the DW Stadium. All sensible football went out the window as both teams humped the ball around, evidently waiting for the half time whistle.

Under cloak of heavy rain, Sunderland delivered the sucker punch, a real telling blow from which Wigan never really recovered. Bendtner won a slightly suspect free kick on the edge of the area, which Gardner struck home with immense power and placement. A cracking free kick, but Wigan really did not deserve it after dominating the half, and if climactic conditions continued the same way, it would be difficult to see any sort of goals, or even anything. Though the weather cleared to restore visibility, many will be wishing it did not.

Confidence well and truly shot, it all went downhill from there for Latics. They gave it a go, but one felt it was a losing battle, especially with a constantly shifting formation that featured fewer and fewer defenders. After Jones’s screw-up on the edge of his own area, McClean capitalised in the best (worst?) way possible – by sticking it in the onion bag and doubling his side’s lead. Sunderland are on such great form of late they weren’t about to miss, but it was, at least in part, a self-imposed punishment. 2-0, and from a position of relative strength, Latics found themselves seriously chasing the game.

Victor Moses and Momo Diame (above) were rested, but both saw action from the bench

Hugo Rodallega got one back for Latics –his long-awaited first of the season– on 62 minutes, but the hosts’ gung-ho attitude was always liable to lead to self-destruction. Conor Sammon was introduced in favour of Stam, an indication that Martinez was adopting a more attacking tactic. The problem with such strategies, however, is that they leave you open at the back, and that almost-too-inevitable landslide of goals was only a moment away. Sessegnon put the game beyond doubt, while Vaughan’s 80th minute untouchable thunderbolt capped an awesome game for the visitors, riding the crest of a wave all the way to a fourth game unbeaten.

Wigan were shattered by the third goal and, much like Martinez sides of seasons past, completely went to pieces upon concession of the fourth. The visitors dealt with the harsh northern weather by far the better and steamrollered a helpless Wigan in a storming 45 minutes of football. The hosts didn’t capitalise on their dominance in the first stanza and were made to pay, big style.

Though Latics controlled the midfield, the game was lost elsewhere. Just when you think the is on the way up again, a string of defensive cock-ups leads to a result such as this. It was almost incongruous, a frustrating game at both ends in a sea of generally positive performances. With Man City next up in the league, it’s gonna take quite a bit of work to clean up such a mess in time for what will likely be a case of damage limitation.

On the plus side, there’s the small matter of an away cup tie to come, which will be the perfect opportunity for some experimentation. The likes of Maloney and Lopez may get run-outs; there is no word on Callum McManaman, who’s still at Blackpool for the time being but could be recalled at any moment. Another thing’s in our favour – with Caldwell returning to the centre of defence, we’ll be able to revert back to that lineup that has served us so well of late. A good point, actually – why did we switch things about in such an important game? Impending African Cup of Nations or no, you’ve got to field your best possible team when fighting against the drop.

Who needs Rooney when you have Berbatov?

Before today’s game, it had been precisely five years since Wigan’s last goal at Old Trafford. A Leighton Baines penalty on Boxing Day 2006 had no effect on that match’s final outcome, as Latics went on to lose the game 3-1. Still, it was the closest Wigan have ever come to tasting any sort of success in Salford. Actually, in their Premier League lives, Wigan have beaten Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool, but have never taken a single point from Manchester United. One would have thought our Mancunian cousins might have slipped up at least once in that time, but on each occasion, without fail, fortune has deserted Latics.

It transpired to be another difficult afternoon for Wigan, with a bit of bad defending and bad luck contributing to an on-song United’s often sublime football to ensure an expected defeat for Latics. It wasn’t entirely embarrassing, however – when one has lost 9-1 and 8-0 in recent seasons, 5-0 is almost nothing, especially when you’ve been reduced to ten men with over a half of football to play.

The hosts were initially happy for their opponents to keep the ball, as if to say “show us what you’ve got”. But any headway Latics might have made with one or two early charges forward were soon put into perspective with a rather soft 5th minute Ji-Sung Park goal. Well, at least that was the obligatory early goal against out of the way. Still shaken, the Wigan back line was being breached all too easily by Park, Giggs and Nani to name but a few. Alex Ferguson’s four pre-match changes seemed to have no negative effect on his side’s attacking threat, which Wigan would have to endure plenty of in the first twenty minutes.

The visitors had their best chance to date on 24 minutes via a free kick in dangerous territory, but it came to nothing as Gomez’s shot cannoned straight into the wall. Soon after, Victor Moses showed a little of what he can do by earning his side a corner, but this second set piece in the space of three minutes would also be successfully defended by the hosts.

Latics were finding some confidence going forward, Ronnie Stam in particular having a good time on the right hand side. His 30th minute ball across the face of goal could have yielded an equaliser, had Moses or Sammon been in the right position to slot it away. It wasn’t an isolated incident, either, as the Dutchman often found himself in the position to deliver a telling cross towards the back end of the half. Still no goals, however, and you felt they would be rather precious for the visitors this afternoon.

Give the man a round of applause: Phil Dowd made a questionable decision which all but killed the game off

United were still firmly on top. Shots periodically rained in on Al Habsi’s goalmouth, but thankfully for Wigan, not many had been hitting the target. Well, not until this point, anyway.

Just when Wigan thought they were in with a glimmer in this contest, a moment of muppetry from referee Phil Dowd effectively killed their threat dead. Conor Sammon was harshly sent off for… well, not much, really. It was the sort of thing he’s been doing all season and, no doubt, his whole career – holding off an opponent, that is. Sure, his arm might have been a tad high, but it was no straight red card. Well, I suppose this was Mr Dowd, wasn’t it?

As if to rub things in, United almost immediately doubled their lead through Dimitar Berbatov and, with just minutes to the half time break, a slightly unlucky Latics found themselves with a near-impossible task. Well, I suppose if you’re going to have a man sent off, it may as well be in a contest you’re going to lose anyway, eh? It should be noted that Sammon should return for Saturday’s showdown with Stoke, as having seen replays of the incident I have every confidence his red card will be rescinded. Of course, that didn’t help during the game at hand.

It was a case of keeping things respectable in the second half, but Martinez also had half an eye on the attacking situation. Momo Diame was the sacrificial lamb as Franco Di Santo entered the field of play at half time, and he would have to do the job of two men as Wigan’s sole striker for about forty minutes. This was, at the very least, an opportunity for the Wigan boss to try out a few attacking options without much pressure with regards to the result.

In a fast-moving affair, the expected United pressure continued, though an occasional Latics foray forward punctuated the home side’s dominance. At the very least, the travelling Latics supporters –many of which donned the now traditional banana suits– were somewhat happy, cheering on their side and piping up with the odd sarcastic comment regarding the officials. As if spurred on, David Jones went close twelve minutes into the second half, clipping a free kick just wide of the post. A corner soon followed to prove the visitors weren’t about to lie down, not just yet.

Alcaraz was a bit unlucky to concede a penalty

But then, the almost inevitable happened. United got a third through Berbatov, and a repeat of his side’s 5-0 drubbing of Fulham just last week was on the cards. The ten men of Wigan would have to work hard to limit the goals conceded, for if previous seasons are anything to go by, they will no doubt have some bearing come May 2012.

Ali Al Habsi did his bit by preventing a fourth on 70 minutes with a great reaction save from Macheda to give the bananas a little more to cheer about. In fact, they were relatively cheerful and in good voice right up until –and long after– the final whistle, even when ex-Latic Antonio Valencia (now there’s a blast from the past) got that fourth for the hosts with a great strike into the bottom corner of Al Habsi’s goal.

United made it five on 77 minutes when Dimitar Berbatov completed his hat-trick from the penalty spot. There’s some debate over whether Antolin Alcaraz’s foul on Park was actually inside the area, but you always expected the referee to award it. The Bulgarian duly obliged, putting away the penalty with ease to increase the punishment.

Hugo Rodallega was introduced shortly after, another indication of Wigan’s attacking intent. Indeed, Maynor Figueroa, not content with being his side’s defensive stalwart, had a go at goal himself. He largely failed, but at least Latics still had the confidence to give it a real good go in the final five minutes of the game. Alcaraz, too, was allowed a late pot-shot as United wound down for the evening, but his effort sailed a few yards over the bar, and that was pretty much the last action of the game.

Maynor Figueroa: the Wigan man of the match, if you had to pick one

In all, it doesn’t take a small-time internet blogger to tell you it wasn’t a great day for Wigan. The work rate was fine, but the lack of finesse was, ultimately, damning. In some respects, against championship-chasing Man United, 5-0 was a decent result when you consider the gap in quality between the sides and, of course, that slightly iffy sending off in the first half. Would Wigan still have lost? Most likely, but when one takes into account Martinez’s usual tactics, one can’t speculate on such things.

Oh, and in a strange twist of fate, Leighton Baines also scored from the penalty spot on the fifth anniversary of his goal for Latics. Pity that was in a completely different game for a totally different team, however. And not that it would have made much difference had he still been in this part of South Lancs, but well done him in any case.

Still, a result against Stoke would represent an excellent month for Wigan, Boxing Day defeat or no. It always hurts to lose, but I don’t think it’ll necessarily spoil a good Christmas, especially if things fall in our favour on Saturday.

The final word must go to the travelling Latics faithful, who never let the game’s scoreline ruin an afternoon out in Manchester. They deserve a good Christmas party as they really were a twelfth man on the afternoon, even if things didn’t go their team’s way.

Victor Moses would provide Wigan's best attempt of the game on 86 minutes

Well, what do you say after an afternoon like that? As little as possible, hopefully, which is why I’ll keep this assessment of the encounter at Stamford Bridge relatively brief.

After all, there isn’t really that much to talk about in the way of Wigan positives: this was, to all intents and purposes, Chelsea’s day. I think we’ll leave it at that.

And so it transpired that a season of dizzy heights and demoralising lows (wait, haven’t I used that phrase, like, ten times in the last week?) would run true to form and conclude with one of the latter, another crushing defeat to add to the spankings at White Hart Lane, Fratton Park, Old Trafford and Bloomfield Road. Yep, a real afternoon to completely wipe from your memory with one of those flashy light things out of Men In Black.

In truth, nobody really expected a result in the favour of Wigan. Many in the North West hoped things might go their way, but in the land of Realism you could count those anticipating a draw or Wigan win on one hand. Even though it turned out to be yet another horrible, horrible hammering you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy (well, maybe Preston), there is significantly less shame (though blame might well be a different matter) to be attributed in this particular case. After all, these were the Premier League champions we came up against.

There was some pre-match hope, swiflty extinguished by the impartial Sky Sports pundits. Quick to state the obvious and stamp the mockers on Latics from the off, the ever-alert Glenn Hoddle so kindly reminded us all — as if we needed to be — of WhiteHartLaneGate. Cheers, Glenn. You don’t need to be a faith healer to count up to ten.

But this was a completely different team to the one that turned up on that faithful evening, in many ways a weaker one, but we shall skate over that point. Unfortunately, the result was much the same, and had a tearful (of pain rather than joy, might I add) Didier Drogba not taken so long to find his shooting boots this could have been even worse an afternoon.

Drogba needed not fret, for the waterworks sparked by a small tiff over who should take a penalty were soon wiped away: he went on to score three. Or was it four? My word, it’s too depressing to recount.

The game was effectively killed as a contest the moment that second goal — a Frank Lampard spot-kick — hit the net. A clumsy challenge by Gary Caldwell led to a slightly harsh red card, but then I suppose by the letter of the law he had to be dismissed for his pull back on Lampard. Frustrating, for up to that point Wigan had competed well and actually dominated possession, which looked quite promising for a close contest. With Manchester United on top in their clash with Stoke, you could have forgiven Chelsea for becoming a bit nervous.

No shots on target would come in the first half, however, and Petr Cech might as well have been sunning himself in Dave Whelan’s Barbadian villa (hmm, there’s a collusion-based conspiracy theory if ever I heard one) as he only had to pick up the ball once, maybe twice; Wigan struggled to make any sort of impact in the final third. Chelsea had done their homework and learned that Latics have had trouble breaking down a defence with more than two people in it. Hmm.

Things would unbelievably get much worse in the second half, so if you plan to watch Match of the Day, I suggest you switch it off after about ten minutes. Actually, for the sake of your sanity, I recommend you not tune in at all and go and have a soothing bath instead. The stress isn’t worth reliving.

Anyway, you could predict the outcome of the match as early as the moment Caldwell tugged on Lampard’s shirt – past experience has told us that after conceding a second goal it really is over as a contest, especially, in this case, with a man short. It would have been a tough ask even with eleven men apiece, but against a team like Chelsea and with almost nothing but a place in the starting lineup for the forthcoming pre-season tour at stake, it was a task far, far beyond this transitional Wigan team.

No matter, however. When we look back on this season, we shall only remember the good times: the mind is a wonderful filter like that. Yes, we’ve been unfeasibly bad far too often, almost Sunday League-esque at times, but at least we’re staying up. That’s a lot more than can be said for Burnley, Hull or Portsmouth.

Got any Scotch?

Remember on the old Saturday afternoon videprinter, whenever anyone scored more than six goals they used to spell it out in letters, as if to rub it in the faces of the losing team? Yeah, well, I’m glad they don’t uphold that custom anymore. Incidentally, I’ve done it in the title of this post, so if you’re a Wigan fan, don’t read it.

We’ve seen it so many times this season I really need not cite specific incidents. When Wigan go 2-0 down, it really could be any number against: we become so dejected and humiliated we stop caring and might as well be stood at the bar or playing Nintendo or something. Maybe we ought to have abandoned this afternoon as a bad project and conceded the game midway through the second half, because it really did become unnecessary torture.

The finger of blame naturally points at the defenders in situations such as this, and indeed Edman, Bramble and Boyce are mostly at fault for… well, at least seven goals. But we shall not dwell on that one too much, because for the really bad game the back four had it was more of a case of not being good enough. We really struggled to keep up with Lennon and Defoe for all ninety minutes, and were quite flattered by the half-time scoreline.

Actually, I do Wigan a little bit of a disservice in that respect. They fought well in the latter part of the first half and could have pinched one, but you know what? I don’t think it would have made a bit of difference, because Spurs would have got a hatful anyway.

We did manage to score somewhere in the middle of this, Paul Scharner squeezing one past Gomes when Latics were three — or was it four? — goals behind. It’s simply typical of the bloke’s arrogance that he should think he could be anywhere near as good as Thierry Henry and get away with a blatant handball… but he somehow did. No doubt that’ll inflate his ego to proportions so large his haircut will be scaring passing air traffic in Wigan next weekend. Though the passing movement in the buildup was pleasant and rather encouraging, it’s hardly worth mentioning, especially because we had to resort to foul methods to even get a shot on target in the second half.

At least we’ve sorted the issue of whether Figueroa will come straight back into the starting XI against Sunderland, and if you can’t work that out then maybe you should go back to your Subbuteo or shopping at Tesco or something.

Best to forget this afternoon ever happened… I’ve already prepared an alibi for Titus Bramble: he was having tea and watching cricket with me all afternoon. It was really rather spiffing, and he says we ought to do the same next Saturday at 3PM.

• Please God, no
• Save me from this

Screenshot from Hamlet advert copyright Hamlet.