I used to buy matchday programmes religiously, until I came to my senses.

These days I instead use the cash to pay for the Latics Player (formerly Latics World) to get phone quality, induction loop commentary live from all the away games. Well, I am being a bit harsh there as the quality really has picked up since the days of Matt McCann mumbling about half time pies, and I’m going to leave a critique on that for another day.

Apart from that, I also buy the club fanzine whenever I can. A few years back, when the Cockney Latic was in its heyday, I’d enjoy thumbing through the pages of endless rants on David Graham and Geoff Horsfield by Les Bagg and the like. Not long ago, the name changed to the Mudhutter Football Express, but the content remained just as irreverent and opinionated as ever.

Don’t know why I never offered to write anything for it myself, maybe it’s my overall apathy and ‘let someone else do it attitude’ (which, I am reliably informed, puts me well on the road to becoming Prime Minister). Well, I’ve finally pulled my finger out and scribbled something for the new edition. It’s by no means perfect and a bit Motty-esque in places but still worth a look, even if I do say so myself.

Be sure to pick up the new season’s first issue of the Mudhutter Football Express, on sale this Saturday before the Man United game from all the usual places such as The Brickmakers, WH Smith (if they’re still open) and, of course, the bridge. My article is entitled ‘Tangerine Dream’ and appears under my Hindleyite pseudonym (which, by all accounts, was created wholly by myself and is in no way derivative of other, less original monikers).

For your convenience, you can now also subscribe to the MFE. Mint, eh?