Month: August 2016
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Wigan 0 Queens Park Rangers 1: Crack-a-toe-a
On this day in 1883, the mighty Krakatoa volcano erupted, spewing a lethal jelly of hot earth juice and crispy moles across the uninhabited island of Krakatau. At first, it was truly a spectacle to behold. Thrilled inhabitants of neighbouring islands gathered to witness the breathtaking light show, grabbing their 3D glasses and extra large […]
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From Ideal Sports Club to the Championship: Montserrat’s Overseas Derby
One might assume that a certain island in the West Indies will be watching Saturday’s game very closely indeed. After all, the combined squads of Wigan Athletic and Queens Park Rangers contain a healthy total of two players representing the tiny British Overseas Territory of Montserrat. Such a contingent would in theory account for about […]
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Nottingham Forest 4 Wigan 3: Last goal wins
“League One is a slice of thrice-iced Victoria sponge. But that passing in your own six yard box stuff simply won’t fly in the cut-throat Championship,” growled Latics Fan A. “Don’t change a darn thing! Confidence in consistency can carry you through a league of any quality,” cried Latics Fan B. “We aren’t sure what […]
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Alternative Match Highlights: ‘Welcome Back to the Championship’ Blackburn-Birmingham Super Edition
Don’t worry if you missed them first time round – each of these highlights will be available on VHS this Christmas as part of Coyle’s Golden Gaffes 2016: Who Needs The Olympics? Blackburn. The Rovers fans’ sudden decision to boycott the game and head for the bar as soon as Wigan’s second goal hit the […]
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Wigan 1 Birmingham 1: The Wigan Olympics
Around this time every four years, the people of Wigan go sports crazy. Today I saw a bloke dive bomb into his back yard paddling pool and a kid toss a hammer through some poor guy’s fishing net. Yesterday someone lobbed a pool ball from their shoulder into the beer garden, before… well, I won’t […]
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Wigan 3 Blackburn 0: The Curse of Coyle
In just one week’s time, it will be exactly 39 years since NASA launched their Voyager II space probe. Contained within this expensive collection of screws and mirrors is the infamous Golden Record, an analogue catalogue of mankind’s musical endeavour up to and including the space year 1977. Originally, the record was intended to include […]
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An Ode to Owen
Note: The author apologises in advance for this article, which may contain extreme misinformation and is for entertainment purposes only. You know, I’m only now realising how much I miss Owen Coyle. In his few short months at the club, he offered much more golden comedic material than every other Wigan Athletic manager combined – […]
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Oldham 2 Wigan 1: Pretension-free
The League Cup has fallen upon desperate times. Following the withdrawal of its plastic cash manufacturing sponsor, it has become destitute, walking the urban jungles completely naked save for a codpiece marked ‘property of the EFL’. But it’s much better this way. Though people initially grimace at the sight of this unkempt Tuesday night beast, […]
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Bristol City 2 Wigan 1: Summer sucks
Summertime football is crap. Tuesday evening Soccerdome knockabouts, the Betfred Cup and forced friendlies with Salfordchester United are all roughly of the same (low) importance. Yes, even the Euros seemed a bit token, tapering off into an apathetic mish-mash of fluttering moths and semi-interested onlookers. Yet the tournament promised so much: the Italy-Germany shootout was […]
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Fantasy gravy trainspotting is over
Aww, August already? Just when I was starting to enjoy the suitably football-free silly season of full-flavoured froth. The discerning gentleman will tell you the most enjoyable part of a pint is its head. This particular summer has had an unmistakably meaty taste. Lucky visitors to Wigan North Western station were shocked to witness local […]