Jesus Was a Wiganer

Month: November 2016

  • Huddersfield 1 Wigan 2: Tools of cruel deceit

    That’s it, I’m done forever. I hereby renounce my faith in statistics, and encourage anyone with a fondness for this gentle sport to do the very same. Say it along with me now: “I refuse to analyse football in a mathematical or scientific manner. I will no longer attempt to quantify the patently unquantifiable, nor […]

  • Where in the World Are Wigan Athletic’s Strikers?

    That’s not the title of an educational video game for the Apple II and Amstrad CPC, but the latest in a series of puzzlers fit for Wigan Latics’ Christmas fun and games annual. Just where on earth could those mischievous goal-hangers Will Grigg (codename Wilberforce Griggson-Fire) and Adam Le Fondre (codename ‘ALF’) be hiding? Since […]

  • Barnsley 0 Wigan 0: Scamster’s paradise

    At present, Wigan Athletic Football Club is a clickbaiter’s dreamland. Ever been irritated by those seemingly fabricated headlines staining the sidebar of prominent Latics news sources? In recent times, they have become pants-splittingly real. “What Roberto Martinez is doing now will shock you.” “Man United ace on his way to the DW?” “Former Blues manager […]

  • Alternative Match Highlights: Wigan 0 Reading 3

    None this week. Nope! No highlights whatsoever, regular or “alternative” (previous word to be used in conjunction with physical air quotes), as even media cheesemeister Robert O Martinez would struggle to weave a pleasant narrative. Only joking! I’ve got 400 words to fill so let’s type semi-indiscriminately and hope the resultant splurge is engaging, but […]

  • Teletext: often emulated, never bettered.

    Teletext: often emulated, never bettered.

    “CORRECTION: Wigan Athletcc 5 (FIVE) Prest#n 0Jasob Robarts 903mins %%%” Last Sunday I shed a small block-shaped tear. 23rd October 2016 marked precisely 4 barren years since the day Internet yuppies callously killed our good friend Ceefax in cold pixellated blood. No more would we stare upon its up-to-the-minute football updates, anxiously hoping against every […]

  • Wigan 0 Reading 3: Car Park King trumps ‘New Manager Bonus’

    Move over, Burger King – this is the age of the Car Park King. That may sound like the punchline to a teatime-friendly Richard Whiteley ‘joke’ (mostly because it is). But the modern practice of unearthing monarchs buried beneath supermarket car parks has a direct correlation with footballing success. Leicester’s recent Premier League triumph? Well, […]