“Morsy’s magical sweatband stolen and held to ransom for seven copies of 2013 FA Cup Final DVD and a Man United-Wigan half and half scarf.” – The Beano Annual 1976
“Sharpe to name new £7million gourmet pastry restaurant ‘The Galloping Ostrich’ in honour of Yanic Wildschut.” – Oh The Pastybilities Pastry News
“Max Power changes name back to Homer Simpson by deed poll.” – Springfield Times
“DW Stadium to be renamed ‘Mint Ball Park’, Whelan statue to be replaced with one of Uncle Joe.” – Stale Stereotype Morning Post
“Wigan Athletic accepted into Gibraltar domestic league at twelfth attempt.” – Ceefakes teletext service
“Trouser Liberation Front gatecrash ribbon cutting at new Owen Coyle glucose drink shop.” – Iron Drew, big time Internet weblogger
“Wigan’s Euxton training ground bans legwear shorter than 80cm.” – Shortstuff Monthly
“Wigan v Preston FA Cup Final replay scheduled for 25 February.” – Preston Morning Star
“Hacker T Dog announced as expert commentator for Wigan v Nottingham Forest.” – Sign in pet shop window, Scholes
“Wigan Post 12th Man column to be replaced with 35 part guide to making your own cheese.“ – Not the Wigan Post
“Sanmi Odelusi named League Two Player of the Decade, trophy retired in his honour.” – Scrawl on inside of Blackpool Pier toilet cubicle
“Warren Joyce crowned King of All Wigan in lavish ceremony at Higher Ince Leisure Centre.” – All Gone Latics Fanzine
Where’s Wally-style bonus activity: one of the above headlines is actually genuine. Scribble your answer on a napkin and send it to: Your Small Time Internet Weblogger c/o 12th Man Editor. First prize: Warren Joyce replica crown. Second prize: Sam Morsy’s sweatband. Third prize: a copy of this article.
