Category: Comment
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Teletext: often emulated, never bettered.
“CORRECTION: Wigan Athletcc 5 (FIVE) Prest#n 0Jasob Robarts 903mins %%%” Last Sunday I shed a small block-shaped tear. 23rd October 2016 marked precisely 4 barren years since the day Internet yuppies callously killed our good friend Ceefax in cold pixellated blood. No more would we stare upon its up-to-the-minute football updates, anxiously hoping against every […]
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Welcome back, Gaetan Bong
Warning: This article contains references to Wigan Athletic’s catastrophic 2014-15 season. If you do not wish to recover heavily repressed memories – look away now. Also: do not read the previous sentence. Gaetan Bong, you are now and forever a Wigan Athletic legend. Not necessarily for your footballing achievements, but the fact your name bears […]
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Friday Night Footbawl
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the future of televised soccerball in the United States of Kingdom: Friday Nite Footbawwwl™! (Portable smoke machines kick into ‘Super Pink Floyd’ mode. Cut to studio exterior for commencement of a minute-long firework display complete with double dubstep and chip [s]hop soundtrack.) The way forward is clearly the past – […]
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International Breakdown: Why the Championship is better than League One
(Perhaps obvious) Disclaimer: Gary Caldwell (probably) never said or did anything mentioned in this article. Once again, I opted not to call him for confirmation in favour of making stuff up. Wondering why Wigan aren’t playing this weekend? Well, in this division supporters are given ‘time off’ for international weekends. So you can watch Will […]
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From Ideal Sports Club to the Championship: Montserrat’s Overseas Derby
One might assume that a certain island in the West Indies will be watching Saturday’s game very closely indeed. After all, the combined squads of Wigan Athletic and Queens Park Rangers contain a healthy total of two players representing the tiny British Overseas Territory of Montserrat. Such a contingent would in theory account for about […]
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An Ode to Owen
Note: The author apologises in advance for this article, which may contain extreme misinformation and is for entertainment purposes only. You know, I’m only now realising how much I miss Owen Coyle. In his few short months at the club, he offered much more golden comedic material than every other Wigan Athletic manager combined – […]
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Fantasy gravy trainspotting is over
Aww, August already? Just when I was starting to enjoy the suitably football-free silly season of full-flavoured froth. The discerning gentleman will tell you the most enjoyable part of a pint is its head. This particular summer has had an unmistakably meaty taste. Lucky visitors to Wigan North Western station were shocked to witness local […]
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Thank you, Wigan – a message from the Superior One
Good morning, peasants of Wiggum. I, the Superior One, demand your undivided attention for a brief moment. My agent has ordered me to address you, the good residents of Hell, Lancashire. I am under strict instruction to pass on his- no sorry, *my* gratitude for your role in my personal travelling show. Without the bed […]