Huh, wha? Grumble! How dare you wake me from my summertime slumber! Like hedgehogs, us football bloggers like to hibernate during fallow periods; it prevents us from losing touch with reality when the madness of the season begins in earnest sometime after July. Or maybe even earlier, if you’re Swansea. Don’t quote me on that as I haven’t looked at the Europa fixtures yet. Hey, gimme a break, we’re barely into June yet!
Well, I suppose the departing of a manager is reason enough for me to mutter the odd sleepy word or two before my owners return me to my box. If I sound entirely nonplussed by the whole situation, it’s because I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something such as this might happen, especially if Latics went down.
I will not name my predicted successor, as he has as much chance of becoming the next Wigan manager as I do. I did actually apply for the position, but on reviewing my application I discovered a typo in the word ‘regulation’. Needless to say, it is likely they do not look favourably upon those who mention the dreaded R-word, no matter how accidentally.
Roberto Martinez: success or failure?
What, you expect me to answer that directly in just one sentence? Fat chance of that, me being of the tautological persuasion. (Yeah, that’s probably grammatically/factually incorrect but I do not care. I just got out of bed, for goodness’ sake.)
Sorry, went off on one *yet again*. I shall make it a new season’s resolution to be more succinct and limit these posts to 500-700 words, and you can quote me on that one. *Cough* Anyway…
To prevent myself dodging this question any further, I shall hereby state that, on balance, Roberto Martinez’s time at Wigan has been successful. Not enormously, but enough for me to say that outright on this site. (Which doesn’t count for an awful lot, but it is something. Hey, look! Here comes a sentence not entirely enclosed in brackets.) Has any other Latics manager ever won the FA Cup? Nope. In this particular place of residence (AKA JWAW Towers) that makes him the greatest manager Wigan Athletic has ever known, and I shall leave it at that for the time being.
My, you’re an inquisitive little sub-heading, aren’t you? If you really must know who I put 5p and two Maltesers on, I blurted it out on Twitter the other day. That bloke off the Man Unoited? Nah, that other one. Nope, not him, you muppet…
After three seasons of relative bliss, it’s back to the old ‘find a new manager quick before the bottom falls out’ days of yore. And you know what? I somewhat relish the excitement of our first new manager since I started writing on the ‘hallowed’ (cough) pages of JWAW. Not enough to alter my hibernation schedule, but enough to make the odd sarcastic comment about managers or biscuits. Probably while eating them.
This just in: the writer of a small-time Wigan weblog has been instated as three million-to-one 8,965th favourite for the DW hotseat. There ya go, you heard it here first! Next time you hear from me I’ll be in a press conference to announce my unveiling. Now all I need is that call from Mr Whelan. Come on, Dave, I have my phone right here with me…
*Addendum: Swansea play their first Europa game on 1 August, if you believe Wikipedia.
Hedgehogs image courtesy V-Wolf at Wikimedia Commons (CC BY-SA 3.0)