There shall be no stupid teletext quiz this week. No longer shall I fiddle while Robin Park burns, because I live in fear, dear reader. For the second time in six months, I’m going to break the statistician’s code and cite the most tooth-grindingly awful season of my Latics supporting lifetime. This week in 2015,…
“Morsy’s magical sweatband stolen and held to ransom for seven copies of 2013 FA Cup Final DVD and a Man United-Wigan half and half scarf.” – The Beano Annual 1976 “Sharpe to name new £7million gourmet pastry restaurant ‘The Galloping Ostrich’ in honour of Yanic Wildschut.” – Oh The Pastybilities Pastry News “Max Power changes…
It has yet to be placed on the list of banned headgear alongside bowler hats, feather bonnets and those baseball caps with helicopter blades you see in Looney Tunes cartoons. Amazing! It’s made from the fabric of Paul Daniels’ most successful magic hat. Morsy is never short of emergency handkerchiefs, coloured thimbles or playing cards…
Verily, this is Warren’s Column. Oh sorry, where are my 12th Manners? It’s King Warren’s Column! My word, I do hope I’m not beheaded for that remark… The Wigan Athletic press conference room, replete with ornate patterned wallpaper and gold plated sandwich trays, is filled with an expectant hum. Suddenly, three trumpeters burst forth from…
The football transfer window is the exemplification of Sturgeon’s Law, namely: ‘ninety percent of everything is rubbish’. Except in this case, that remaining ten percent of players wish to spend transfer deadline day suckling a mug of baconated Bovril by the cyan glow of their favourite teletext page. For the sake of claritainment (clarity +…
Happy New Week, Latisticians. Because I’m a poor writer and can’t generate 400 words of original content without resorting to random sentence generation software, here is a selection of New Year’s messages stolen from social networking Internet website trollfacebook.com. At 12:01AM on 1 January 2017, LatikAsthmatic wrote: ”Happy New Ye- hey, why hasn’t Warren signed…
Is your team still under-performing? Are you hunting for crusty morsels in the darkest depths of the cockpit they call the relegation zone? Hopelessly toiling for a formation that will scrape you just enough points to try again next year? Then, good sir, you are in dire need of Soccercheats.con’s Championship tips and cheats guide….
Felicitations! I am Donald Perkins, not to be confused with a certain Wigan Athletic soccerist that happens to share my initial and surname. But much like my near namesake, I am indeed a master of the fine and ancient martial art known as booking fu. I have dedicated the past 30 years of my life…
“Football is a simple game, complicated by idiots in newspaper articles.” – Bill Shankly (paraphrased) It’s all over, ladies and gentlemen. When Dave-o Sharpe dispatched Gary ‘Kop Conqueror’ Caldwell with his final Rigalettos doggy bag, the Martinez line of succession officially ended. With the remaining branches finally hacked from Roberto’s family tree, a thrilling era…
That’s not the title of an educational video game for the Apple II and Amstrad CPC, but the latest in a series of puzzlers fit for Wigan Latics’ Christmas fun and games annual. Just where on earth could those mischievous goal-hangers Will Grigg (codename Wilberforce Griggson-Fire) and Adam Le Fondre (codename ‘ALF’) be hiding? Since…
“CORRECTION: Wigan Athletcc 5 (FIVE) Prest#n 0Jasob Robarts 903mins %%%” Last Sunday I shed a small block-shaped tear. 23rd October 2016 marked precisely 4 barren years since the day Internet yuppies callously killed our good friend Ceefax in cold pixellated blood. No more would we stare upon its up-to-the-minute football updates, anxiously hoping against every…
Warning: This article contains references to Wigan Athletic’s catastrophic 2014-15 season. If you do not wish to recover heavily repressed memories – look away now. Also: do not read the previous sentence. Gaetan Bong, you are now and forever a Wigan Athletic legend. Not necessarily for your footballing achievements, but the fact your name bears…