Tag: 12th Man
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Change will do you bad: a true footballing paradox
There shall be no stupid teletext quiz this week. No longer shall I fiddle while Robin Park burns, because I live in fear, dear reader. For the second time in six months, I’m going to break the statistician’s code and cite the most tooth-grindingly awful season of my Latics supporting lifetime. This week in 2015, […]
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More Wigan Athletic fake news headlines
“Morsy’s magical sweatband stolen and held to ransom for seven copies of 2013 FA Cup Final DVD and a Man United-Wigan half and half scarf.” – The Beano Annual 1976 “Sharpe to name new £7million gourmet pastry restaurant ‘The Galloping Ostrich’ in honour of Yanic Wildschut.” – Oh The Pastybilities Pastry News “Max Power changes […]
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Why Sam Morsy’s sweatband is magical
It has yet to be placed on the list of banned headgear alongside bowler hats, feather bonnets and those baseball caps with helicopter blades you see in Looney Tunes cartoons. Amazing! It’s made from the fabric of Paul Daniels’ most successful magic hat. Morsy is never short of emergency handkerchiefs, coloured thimbles or playing cards […]
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Good tidings we bring – Joycey is our king!
Verily, this is Warren’s Column. Oh sorry, where are my 12th Manners? It’s King Warren’s Column! My word, I do hope I’m not beheaded for that remark… The Wigan Athletic press conference room, replete with ornate patterned wallpaper and gold plated sandwich trays, is filled with an expectant hum. Suddenly, three trumpeters burst forth from […]
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Who left that window open?
The football transfer window is the exemplification of Sturgeon’s Law, namely: ‘ninety percent of everything is rubbish’. Except in this case, that remaining ten percent of players wish to spend transfer deadline day suckling a mug of baconated Bovril by the cyan glow of their favourite teletext page. For the sake of claritainment (clarity + […]
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A New Year’s article written by the Internet
Happy New Week, Latisticians. Because I’m a poor writer and can’t generate 400 words of original content without resorting to random sentence generation software, here is a selection of New Year’s messages stolen from social networking Internet website trollfacebook.com. At 12:01AM on 1 January 2017, LatikAsthmatic wrote: ”Happy New Ye- hey, why hasn’t Warren signed […]
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Alternative Match Highlights – Wigan Athletic v Ipswich Town
Latics v Ipswich was a game that defied all logic. Why the insistence on goal scoring all of a sudden? And why such vitriol towards an unfortunate man that misplaced his contact lenses? Well, I think you know the answer to at least one of those supposedly rhetorical questions. But for everything else, here are […]
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Football League Championship Tips and Cheats Guide
Is your team still under-performing? Are you hunting for crusty morsels in the darkest depths of the cockpit they call the relegation zone? Hopelessly toiling for a formation that will scrape you just enough points to try again next year? Then, good sir, you are in dire need of Soccercheats.con’s Championship tips and cheats guide. […]
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The Ultimate Guide to the Perfect Booking by D. Perkins
Felicitations! I am Donald Perkins, not to be confused with a certain Wigan Athletic soccerist that happens to share my initial and surname. But much like my near namesake, I am indeed a master of the fine and ancient martial art known as booking fu. I have dedicated the past 30 years of my life […]
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The Martinez fallacy (2009-2016): In memoriam
“Football is a simple game, complicated by idiots in newspaper articles.” – Bill Shankly (paraphrased) It’s all over, ladies and gentlemen. When Dave-o Sharpe dispatched Gary ‘Kop Conqueror’ Caldwell with his final Rigalettos doggy bag, the Martinez line of succession officially ended. With the remaining branches finally hacked from Roberto’s family tree, a thrilling era […]