“CORRECTION: Wigan Athletcc 5 (FIVE) Prest#n 0Jasob Robarts 903mins %%%” Last Sunday I shed a small block-shaped tear. 23rd October 2016 marked precisely 4 barren years since the day Internet yuppies callously killed our good friend Ceefax in cold pixellated blood. No more would we stare upon its up-to-the-minute football updates, anxiously hoping against every…
Warning: This article contains references to Wigan Athletic’s catastrophic 2014-15 season. If you do not wish to recover heavily repressed memories – look away now. Also: do not read the previous sentence. Gaetan Bong, you are now and forever a Wigan Athletic legend. Not necessarily for your footballing achievements, but the fact your name bears…
The name’s Nosey Barstool, private investigator and St Helens Chain Smoker of the Year 1948-1954. Shortly after I voluntarily withdrew from the case of Jordi Gomez’s missing beard, I was assigned the task of ascertaining exactly where Gary Caldwell buys his sweaters. Please don’t ask me who the client is because I have forgotten his…
The name’s Nosey Barstool, Private Investigator. I have been assigned a curious case concerning the disappearance of one Jordi ‘Gordon’ Gomez’s luxurious beard, which went missing on the morning of Friday 23rd September. The following data was collected with two remote controlled drones positioned above the Wigan Athletic training ground in Euxton, Chorley on Monday…
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the future of televised soccerball in the United States of Kingdom: Friday Nite Footbawwwl™! (Portable smoke machines kick into ‘Super Pink Floyd’ mode. Cut to studio exterior for commencement of a minute-long firework display complete with double dubstep and chip [s]hop soundtrack.) The way forward is clearly the past –…
Why am I wincing? Because I can still taste that salty rainwater trickling across my cracking, chapped lips to the tip of my reluctant tongue. I wasn’t actually at the Owlerton Regatta in December 2013, when referee Chris Stroud called a halt to that infamous doggy paddle-off between Sheffield Wednesday and Wigan Athletic after 60…
(Perhaps obvious) Disclaimer: Gary Caldwell (probably) never said or did anything mentioned in this article. Once again, I opted not to call him for confirmation in favour of making stuff up. Wondering why Wigan aren’t playing this weekend? Well, in this division supporters are given ‘time off’ for international weekends. So you can watch Will…
One might assume that a certain island in the West Indies will be watching Saturday’s game very closely indeed. After all, the combined squads of Wigan Athletic and Queens Park Rangers contain a healthy total of two players representing the tiny British Overseas Territory of Montserrat. Such a contingent would in theory account for about…
Don’t worry if you missed them first time round – each of these highlights will be available on VHS this Christmas as part of Coyle’s Golden Gaffes 2016: Who Needs The Olympics? Blackburn. The Rovers fans’ sudden decision to boycott the game and head for the bar as soon as Wigan’s second goal hit the…
Note: The author apologises in advance for this article, which may contain extreme misinformation and is for entertainment purposes only. You know, I’m only now realising how much I miss Owen Coyle. In his few short months at the club, he offered much more golden comedic material than every other Wigan Athletic manager combined –…
Aww, August already? Just when I was starting to enjoy the suitably football-free silly season of full-flavoured froth. The discerning gentleman will tell you the most enjoyable part of a pint is its head. This particular summer has had an unmistakably meaty taste. Lucky visitors to Wigan North Western station were shocked to witness local…
1 – Position in League One Pie Championship Wigan Athletic finished. 3 – Number of heavy metal umlauts Jussi Jääskeläinen is cool enough for. 6? 6! – Average minutes of second half injury time in matches featuring Wigan Athletic. 8 – Trees sacrificed to power Gary Caldwell’s in-match paper memo communication system. 11 – Actual…