July 15, 2024

“Morsy’s magical sweatband stolen and held to ransom for seven copies of 2013 FA Cup Final DVD and a Man United-Wigan half and half scarf.” – The Beano Annual 1976

“Sharpe to name new £7million gourmet pastry restaurant ‘The Galloping Ostrich’ in honour of Yanic Wildschut.” – Oh The Pastybilities Pastry News

“Max Power changes name back to Homer Simpson by deed poll.” – Springfield Times

“DW Stadium to be renamed ‘Mint Ball Park’, Whelan statue to be replaced with one of Uncle Joe.” – Stale Stereotype Morning Post

“Wigan Athletic accepted into Gibraltar domestic league at twelfth attempt.” – Ceefakes teletext service

“Trouser Liberation Front gatecrash ribbon cutting at new Owen Coyle glucose drink shop.” – Iron Drew, big time Internet weblogger

“Wigan’s Euxton training ground bans legwear shorter than 80cm.” – Shortstuff Monthly

“Wigan v Preston FA Cup Final replay scheduled for 25 February.” – Preston Morning Star

“Hacker T Dog announced as expert commentator for Wigan v Nottingham Forest.” – Sign in pet shop window, Scholes

“Wigan Post 12th Man column to be replaced with 35 part guide to making your own cheese.“ – Not the Wigan Post

“Sanmi Odelusi named League Two Player of the Decade, trophy retired in his honour.” – Scrawl on inside of Blackpool Pier toilet cubicle

“Warren Joyce crowned King of All Wigan in lavish ceremony at Higher Ince Leisure Centre.” – All Gone Latics Fanzine

Where’s Wally-style bonus activity: one of the above headlines is actually genuine. Scribble your answer on a napkin and send it to: Your Small Time Internet Weblogger c/o 12th Man Editor. First prize: Warren Joyce replica crown. Second prize: Sam Morsy’s sweatband. Third prize: a copy of this article.

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