Jesus Was a Wiganer

Tag: Report

  • Wigan 3-1 Chesterfield: Snow business

    Wigan 3-1 Chesterfield: Snow business

    “They’re closing Whelan’s,” garbled my gran, wiping away a small tear. I hadn’t the heart to tell her that Uncle DeeDub sold his discount stores to a well-known high street supermarket way back in 1978. But to her, that shop in the Galleries had always remained Whelan’s – I guess that like a work experience […]

  • Wigan 3-3 Sheffield United: Yanic who?

    Wigan 3-3 Sheffield United: Yanic who?

    Robin Park Shopping Precinct, a wet and chilly January evening. Sparrows huddle for warmth under supermarket eaves as the wheeled metal machines below struggle to wake up. Suddenly from the stony silence, a sharp blast of Krautrock in the vicinity of Stadium Way. Was ist das? Heads swivel 180 degrees as the silhouette of a […]

  • Wigan 3-2 Gillingham: Burn card

    Wigan 3-2 Gillingham: Burn card

    Oh dear, I really do worry for my ailing season card – it has already been washed with my jeans, stuck behind the radiator and buried with the dog’s chew toy. I fear that swiping it through the DW turnstile three times in nine days might cause it to melt into my very hand, leaving […]

  • Scunthorpe 1-1 Wigan: New Year’s nonsolution

    Scunthorpe 1-1 Wigan: New Year’s nonsolution

    Is there any sense in making New Year’s resolutions? I have already broken two of mine, namely ‘stop stealing content from the Daily Sport’ and ‘speelcheek evry post’, and it’s only a matter of time before the others are also consigned to the same proverbial trash heap alongside two bin liners of discarded Christmas wrapping […]

  • Fleetwood 1-3 Wigan: Zine Wars

    Fleetwood 1-3 Wigan: Zine Wars

    In this most commercial of seasons, it is an absolute pleasure to sample the anarchic neo-punk literature they call the fanzine. These glossy bundles of Christmas jollity are a welcome alternative to thrice cleansed mainstream reports wrung of all humour, as if they were one of Richard Whiteley’s particularly nauseating Christmas sweaters, or perhaps Ceefax […]

  • Wigan P-P Sheffield United: Cruel, Cruel Summer

    Wigan P-P Sheffield United: Cruel, Cruel Summer

    I rose from my bed to the glorious summer sound of birds chirruping cheerfully in the chestnut trees. Stepping outside in just my boxer shorts, I plucked my morning milk from its usual spot by the step. “Ahh, warm semi-skimmed again! Hope this hasn’t curdled in the heat.” After applying an inordinate amount of sun […]

  • Barnsley 0-2 Wigan: Crust Can’t Get Enough

    Barnsley 0-2 Wigan: Crust Can’t Get Enough

    “I went for the nibbling technique rather than the stuff it all in.” So said Matt Backhouse, ‘graceful loser‘ at this week’s World Pie Eating Championships. The organisers’ shock last-minute decision to switch to puff pastry put him at a great disadvantage, since his local eatery stocked only shortcrust. Nigh on a year of training […]

  • Wigan 0-1 Blackpool: Cartoon capers

    Wigan 0-1 Blackpool: Cartoon capers

    Have you ever felt as though you’re being followed? A strange feeling that, even though you’re rambling through some obscure untrodden part of the countryside, you’re still going to bump into that guy – the same bloke you seem to meet in a totally different place every six months or so. It’s not as if […]

  • Wigan 2-2 Barnsley [Barnsley win 4-2 on pens]: Two Out of Three Paint Bad

    Wigan 2-2 Barnsley [Barnsley win 4-2 on pens]: Two Out of Three Paint Bad

    Oh, it’s serious stuff. When a mere midweek messabout is promoted to Saturday status, that poxy little paint pot cup becomes a tremendous technicolour trophy of considerable size. Quite literally – standing next to the hallowed John Stones Paint Trophy in the Supporters Club this afternoon, you realised the true scale of this thing. No […]

  • Southend 0-0 Wigan: Hand of Zod

    Southend 0-0 Wigan: Hand of Zod

    There comes a moment when you realise you *don’t* know everything. That turning point in your life when you go full Acorah and start to believe in the supernatural, I mean. I recall watching a documentary about an affliction known as ‘alien hand syndrome’, which causes the hand to act of its own will, as […]