July 15, 2024
Arnold swears he will not kill anyone

"I swear I will not kill anyone."

Arnold swears he will not kill anyone
“I swear I will not kill anyone.”

Good morning! Hi, how aah youu? This iz me, Ahhnuld Schwarz- er… Paul Scharner, guest presenting this JWAW Progress With Unity update. Today’s episode centres around yours truly, Paul Scharner, retiring from all forms of football and how I am the greatest player Wigan Athletic haz ever known, gahahah!

Whaat, they talked about udder stuff as well? Ah, yes… after watching DVDs of my own personal cup-winning exploits, Wigan were able to muster the cahhnfidence to defeat… Black Forest, I think? Which reminds me, how many gateaus does Paul Scharner receive for 150 words of content? Two, you say? Dat’s good for only four paragraphs!

So what would you like me to do, tell a joke? OK, did you hear about the guy selling malfunctioning toilets? He was a john conner. And you can use thad in your forthcoming radio drama, but it’ll cost you an extra crate of bratwurst.

Anyway, buy my new book. Is thad enough words now? And my Terminator 4 advance fee is in the post? Excellent, Paul Scharner will now go and start on a new cigar. Huhahhwahah! Auf wiedersehen, and buy my new book.

Contents: Nottingham Forest review (0:00); the Football League officiating debate continues (7:13); Goodbye to the original Jimmy Mac & transfer deadline day (19:54); Hasta la vista, baby (31:54); in pole position for the Europa League draw reaction (35:20)

Get involved!

Progress With Unity is currently the only Wigan Athletic fan podcast on the web. If you wish to get involved or have any topics you’d like to be discussed, please get in touch with Barry at wigan@vitalfootball.co.uk, marking your email PWU Podcast.

JWAW: Thank you, Paul! So nice of you to appear on a small time internet weblog specially to promote your own projects. Speaking of which, check out the PWU iTunes, RSS and app pages right after you buy his book… wait, why am *I* advertising his stuff? He’s gone home now, so screw him! Guys, head down to Waterstones and draw silly moustaches and spectacles on the obviously Photoshopped cover image.* Oh wait, I see a flaw in this plan…

*If you are silly enough to actually do this, don’t credit JWAW for the idea. Keep it for yourself. 😉

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