Owen Coyle busts open another can of Lucozade. (c)Terrence Lacon-Childe
Nope, I ain’t gonna do it again. Just because Friday’s T’Classico is LIVE on BeeSkyBee’s frivolous Friday Night Football, I won’t stoop so low as to cart out the big Americanisation stereotypes, mainly because I reached the end of my US Commentator’s Idiom Dictionary shortly after Halloween. And please don’t ask me to start at the beginning of the next edition, because there isn’t one – they were all burned in a glorious pyre many Bonfire Nights ago.
But forget, forget the 5th of November, as tomorrow is T’Judgement Day – Bolton v Wigan. With PWU’s first ever rival supporter sat (uncomfortably) on the studio sofa, there are bound to be mentions of Sir Krispy, Sir Freedman and matters Burndonian… or Macronian, anyway.
The Rosler-eating black hole I spoke about on Tuesday night has shifted forward in time to Saturday morning. We mightn’t have a game that day, but should Boltonian success ensue, Doom with a capital D shall waiting on your doormat like a poorly-written red top or a small-time internet weblogger’s article. Stay away from it lest ye be sucked into the Netherworld out of Beetlejuice!
Contents: ‘Explosive’ intros (0:00); (fire)cracker of a Fulham review including inflammable Statman (2:30); Brighton rock n’ droll (14:00) including sparks will fly: resting Fortune for t’Friday showdown (19:40) and Mick’s penalty box knocks (28:00); depressing standings update (29:00); T’Classico: ‘impartial’ Lancashire derby preview (31:00) including Spot The Lineup (45:30), bring Ali back (48:35), RefWatch (53:20) and pyrotechnic Rosler’s Last Stand? (56:30)
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Seagull cliffhanger: “I regret nothiiiing…” (c)Alvesgaspar
In all my 21 years on this earth (cough), I have never had the pleasure of travelling through Wigan town centre on a Bonfire Night. To see the streetlights in all their smoke-enhanced glory is truly wondrous, and something every Wiganer should experience at least once in their lifetime. Just please remember to take your oxygen tank, because there’s enough passive smoke to eliminate an army of asthmatic ants. And I know that was a terrible analogy but I liked the alliteration.
If, like me, you were enjoying last night’s flickering street lamp show, then congratulations for surviving! Your reward is these links to PWU’s Twitter, iTunes, RSS and app pages. I *could* throw in the five slabs of Parkin donated to JWAW by an anonymous benefactor, but I wouldn’t feed that stuff to my dog for fear it might block her oesophagus with a fatal dose of tar. A chain-smoking Welephant taught me that one. Anyway, cheers for the donation! Please send future gifts to The Rubbish Bin, End Of Your Garden, Your Street.