Monthly Archive:: October 2016

Cardiff 0 Wigan 1: Figuratively speaking

Ah, the solution is at hand! Is it any great coincidence that Captain Gareth B. ‘Kop Conqueror’ Caldwell was sacked on World Pasta Day, of all moderately amusing food-related pseudo-holidays? Picture, if you will,

Wigan 0 Brighton 1: Gullverised

In he strides, brazen as a drunken nudist with a flashy new haircut. He carefully selects a single packet of rust flavoured corn snacks from the shelf before spinning on the spot and winging

Welcome back, Gaetan Bong

Warning: This article contains references to Wigan Athletic’s catastrophic 2014-15 season. If you do not wish to recover heavily repressed memories – look away now. Also: do not read the previous sentence. Gaetan Bong,

Leeds 1 Wigan 1: Football League Oneupmanship

79 inches. If you want to beat that, you’ve got a lot of early morning stretches to complete. Competition is stiff – Dan Burn has already reached that height and is growing by the

Alternative Match Highlights: Wigan 0 Burton 0

Isn’t it odd how these ‘alternative’ match ‘highlights’ only seem to appear after scoreless exercises in footballing endurance? They’re like marathon games of Scrabble without a points system, board, letter tiles or pencil. With

Wigan 0 Burton 0: The Road to Wigan Pierrot

Oh, there’s absolutely nothing to worry about. As Wigan’s major conspiracy debunkist, I am happy to confirm that all sightings of ‘crazed clowns’ in the local area are hideous fabrications by (un)popular hamburglar outlets.

Caldwell’s secret plans revealed

The name’s Nosey Barstool, private investigator and St Helens Chain Smoker of the Year 1948-1954. Shortly after I voluntarily withdrew from the case of Jordi Gomez’s missing beard, I was assigned the task of