June 17, 2024

Zzzz… booo-rrrring! Couldn’t they have picked more interesting highlights? I mean, supremely worked Will Grigg winners are great and all, but you see ’em all the blooming time. What about those *other* unique moments that are so often cruelly edited out of history?

I know! Let’s write about them here…

From the diary of a very bored person

8.00AM: The start of the Client Code Wars as fans wrestle for 3,000 golden Blackpool tickets. Those that sleep in till noon completely miss out, as they’re all sold by lunch.

2.15PM: ‘Kirk’ from Coronation Street is spotted in the West Stand. Allegedly he is a Wigan Athletic fan.

3.00PM: The DW scoreboard briefly breaks down. The match timer only starts up about one minute into the game, after Will Grigg is tackled on the edge of the box and Sam Morsy has his leg tweaked.

3.32PM: Yanic Wildschut receives a standing ovation for his second 60-yard dribble in the space of 13 minutes. Neither move amounts to anything, but the round of applause is tribute enough for our humble hero.

3.33PM: Gary Caldwell writes a personal message to Max Power in his notepad. “Dear Max, thank you for the detailed email you sent this week…”

3.59PM: Disgruntled murmurs as a sign reading ‘NO PIES’ is blu-tacked to the concourse menu board. Cue terrible jokes about Wigan fans being affectionately known as The Pies…

4.23PM: Marc-Antoine Fortune is given a hero’s welcome on his return to the DW Stadium: “How s***e must you be, Fortune up front?”

4.40PM: Adam Armstrong finally beats Donervon Daniels on the left wing for the first time… but is swiftly dealt with by Leon Barnett and Jason Pearce just seconds later.

4.58PM: Bury FC publish this Tweet:

Bury welcomes you

5.02PM: David Perkins sprints 25 miles to Aintree for the Grand National. Not only does he get there in time for the start of the race at 5.15PM, he actually participates in the race on two legs… and beats all the horses.

5.20PM: At his post-match press conference, Gary Caldwell proudly boasts: “The Beatles once sold out a concert in three-and-a-half hours. We only took three to sell out for Blackpool.” (Thanks to Paul Kendrick for that one.)

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