Please welcome Warren Garton Joyce, Wigan Athletic’s newest and foremost ‘edgelord’. The sort of guy who, like a dog, watches you eat for fifteen minutes before snatching that precious final morsel of tuna casserole from your plate. A man who catches all his perch two minutes before packing up his tackle in a Ryan Giggs…
Welcome, my dear Laticians, to the Margarine Zone. Moments before your freshly buttered slice of lovingly-prepared toast hits the filth-encrusted kitchen floor with a sickening bliff-spludge, you have a very brief opportunity to prevent the seemingly inescapable. If you actually manage to grab the toast, you feel incredible for the rest of the day. You…
That’s it, I’m done forever. I hereby renounce my faith in statistics, and encourage anyone with a fondness for this gentle sport to do the very same. Say it along with me now: “I refuse to analyse football in a mathematical or scientific manner. I will no longer attempt to quantify the patently unquantifiable, nor…
As you read this message in the year 2036, much of Blackpool vs. Wigan ’16 has passed into the annals of Latics lore. Scarcely has a single game of kickball received quite as much build-up – from the minute this fixture was announced to the moment match ref Stuart Attwell finally tootled on his tin…
Robin Park Shopping Precinct, a wet and chilly January evening. Sparrows huddle for warmth under supermarket eaves as the wheeled metal machines below struggle to wake up. Suddenly from the stony silence, a sharp blast of Krautrock in the vicinity of Stadium Way. Was ist das? Heads swivel 180 degrees as the silhouette of a…
In this most commercial of seasons, it is an absolute pleasure to sample the anarchic neo-punk literature they call the fanzine. These glossy bundles of Christmas jollity are a welcome alternative to thrice cleansed mainstream reports wrung of all humour, as if they were one of Richard Whiteley’s particularly nauseating Christmas sweaters, or perhaps Ceefax…
“I went for the nibbling technique rather than the stuff it all in.” So said Matt Backhouse, ‘graceful loser‘ at this week’s World Pie Eating Championships. The organisers’ shock last-minute decision to switch to puff pastry put him at a great disadvantage, since his local eatery stocked only shortcrust. Nigh on a year of training…
And would you look at that? All of a sudden, from the depths of score draw ‘mediocrity‘ spawns the notion that Wigan Athletic could just about scrape their way to one hundred poi- er, a respectable League One position once the cat scratching has ceased for another comfortably anonymous season. Lo! No longer do Latics…
Never underestimate the role of entertainment in modern society. Without it, we are relegated to the role of a mere machine, performing the same three repetitive tasks until our motherboard melts to a sticky mush. Then our owner buys an upgraded model, tossing us onto the ‘robot mountain’ they really ought to bury in the…