The author apologises in advance for making you hungry. That’s how they getcha, those treacherous swines. They lure you in by branding you a coward, a recreant, a flapping great chicken. And once you’re tempted past the safety barrier, the coop door comes crashing down, sealing you inside a cage marked ‘relegation’ until the evening…
Ah, that most wonderful time of year again. Time to carefully extract that bucket and spade from your garage’s Jenga pile for a spot of mud castle building at DW Beach? Yew betcha, sonny. While Sharpy dials up Instapitch for a takeaway surface with sweet ‘n’ sour sand and grit dip, you can all thank…
“Morsy’s magical sweatband stolen and held to ransom for seven copies of 2013 FA Cup Final DVD and a Man United-Wigan half and half scarf.” – The Beano Annual 1976 “Sharpe to name new £7million gourmet pastry restaurant ‘The Galloping Ostrich’ in honour of Yanic Wildschut.” – Oh The Pastybilities Pastry News “Max Power changes…
Ah, you made it beyond AGL’s new paywall! Congratulations, and thank you for your payment of an Uncle Joe’s Mint Ball. I am here to tell you all about the QPR-Latics game, the latest chapter of a sporting rivalry so- Get the new I’m Screwed, It’s A Fix catalogue from your local magazine stockist! Now…
Are all the Wiganers gone now? Good, because I fear today is the day I am finally forced out of this town on a one-toothed mule named Yanic. Here goes… As ever, King Warren is correct in his Coyle*-stirring. (*Rude word substituted for… something far more vulgar.) At the risk of offending those with the…
The question most asked this St. Valentine’s Day? Nope, it isn’t ‘why on Earth did you bring me to the Poundsavah cafe again?’ But something much more difficult to answer. Ah, you guessed right at the second attempt! It is indeed: “who is Wigan Athletic’s primary penalty taker?” So much time has passed since their…
“Fulham v Wigan? Well, you may as well go and paint the pantry, alphabetise your BBC Micro type-in games collection or ride your ostrich to Maastricht because that’s a certain draw right there.” But what if it wasn’t? What if certain individuals contrived to defy convention and each of this land’s ancient laws to manufacture…
“Friday night game? Wooh yeah, extended weekend!” But when King Wozzer emerged from that three-day break, one glimpse of the Daily Fail shot a large wad of chewing gum straight down his oesphagus and right through his colon. It wouldn’t be so weird for *all* your nearest rivals to win – if you were chasing…
Tulips flower so brightly for all too short a time, while clogs toast so nicely upon the wood burning stove for an even shorter time. Aye, austerity in Wigan is a right pain in the Wildschut, in’t it? Ahh, the transfer window. You might run for those borders and the safety of Horwich, or you…
It’s true – we do act differently when we know we’re being observed. Sociology has named this phenomenon the Hawthorne effect. Okay, so Mr Cadbury Q. Hawthorne (otherwise known as Henry A. Landsberger) probably wasn’t referring to a footballing cup tie when he coined that term. But every supporter knows that as soon as those…
It has yet to be placed on the list of banned headgear alongside bowler hats, feather bonnets and those baseball caps with helicopter blades you see in Looney Tunes cartoons. Amazing! It’s made from the fabric of Paul Daniels’ most successful magic hat. Morsy is never short of emergency handkerchiefs, coloured thimbles or playing cards…
And now, dear reader: a special announcement from the one and onlyyyy Warrington Jaaaay Jooooyce. “This is a message fer allt’ Beemaniacs ‘eading down to Robin Park Square Garden on Sat’dy afternoon at 3pm, live only ont’ exclusive Sly Sporks 2 pay per view netwuk fer just £29.99+VAT+GMT+GCSE 0800 91250284 (get card owner’s permission before…