The name’s Nosey Barstool, Private Investigator. I have been assigned a curious case concerning the disappearance of one Jordi ‘Gordon’ Gomez’s luxurious beard, which went missing on the morning of Friday 23rd September. The following data was collected with two remote controlled drones positioned above the Wigan Athletic training ground in Euxton, Chorley on Monday…
“Why hello, Chief. You’re where? I’ll be there right away!” So goes the exact same conversation between Inspector Caldwell and David O. Sharpe at precisely 7:42 every morning. Ordinarily, the latter is stationed in some far flung part of the United States of Kingdom, perhaps the wonderful Weetabix sandwich factory in balmy Basingstoke. Or maybe…
“Oh, it was great fun heading down to Preston in the caravan each year – I loved the amusement arcades filled with barely functional Out Run cabinets missing their acceleration buttons. But most of all I enjoyed the never-ending beaches dotted with overzealous ice cream salesmen and geriatric donkey ride services. “But all of that…
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the future of televised soccerball in the United States of Kingdom: Friday Nite Footbawwwl™! (Portable smoke machines kick into ‘Super Pink Floyd’ mode. Cut to studio exterior for commencement of a minute-long firework display complete with double dubstep and chip [s]hop soundtrack.) The way forward is clearly the past –…
Come on, you have to admit it’s hilarious. I’m still laughing four days later, and I’ll probably be chuckling about it in four years. Since it will be immortalised in [Insert ZZZ-list celebrity here]’s Xmas Crackers DVD compilation of crazy ‘cock’ ‘ups’, I can relive that moment in glorious slightly-above-standard-definition for as long as I…
“An away draw is worth 30,000 Championship points. And free pie and peas at half time.” …So goes the Ancient Wiganese proverb, the revered Law of the Beamback. Though this may at first seem erroneous, Statman’s trusty exercise book seems to indicate that ‘beamed back’ Latics matches are three and a half times as tough…
I see what ya did there, EFL! And it is certainly the right decision to schedule Sheffield Wednesday v Wigan for sunny, shiny September. Any later and that mischievous Big Man in the Sky is likely to douse the Hillsborough surface with his never-ending salt drink, just like in December 2013. As you may recall,…
Why am I wincing? Because I can still taste that salty rainwater trickling across my cracking, chapped lips to the tip of my reluctant tongue. I wasn’t actually at the Owlerton Regatta in December 2013, when referee Chris Stroud called a halt to that infamous doggy paddle-off between Sheffield Wednesday and Wigan Athletic after 60…
(Perhaps obvious) Disclaimer: Gary Caldwell (probably) never said or did anything mentioned in this article. Once again, I opted not to call him for confirmation in favour of making stuff up. Wondering why Wigan aren’t playing this weekend? Well, in this division supporters are given ‘time off’ for international weekends. So you can watch Will…
On this day in 1883, the mighty Krakatoa volcano erupted, spewing a lethal jelly of hot earth juice and crispy moles across the uninhabited island of Krakatau. At first, it was truly a spectacle to behold. Thrilled inhabitants of neighbouring islands gathered to witness the breathtaking light show, grabbing their 3D glasses and extra large…
One might assume that a certain island in the West Indies will be watching Saturday’s game very closely indeed. After all, the combined squads of Wigan Athletic and Queens Park Rangers contain a healthy total of two players representing the tiny British Overseas Territory of Montserrat. Such a contingent would in theory account for about…
“League One is a slice of thrice-iced Victoria sponge. But that passing in your own six yard box stuff simply won’t fly in the cut-throat Championship,” growled Latics Fan A. “Don’t change a darn thing! Confidence in consistency can carry you through a league of any quality,” cried Latics Fan B. “We aren’t sure what…