Hi, sporks fans! I’m ZZZ-list celebrity Alf Hart, and you’re watching Guys’ Sporks News. They’ve parachuted me in at the last minute because their regular monotone ‘expert’ clearly ain’t photogenic enough in this super HD televisual age. In other words, he’s an ugly goit. …So, er, what’s this report about again? Fuzzball, you say? Ah,…
*Names altered to protect identities. “Even though Team ST are trailing Team WA 4-1, there is always the chance there will be a repeat of Team WA’s dramatic concession of three late goals to Team SU two months ago. Because things like that happen every week in this league… I think. This is the first…
Right, that settles it. From this day forward I am switching JWAW from a small time internet weblog to an… even smaller time printed memo service. Nope, I’ve made up my mind! Having witnessed first hand how successful Gary Caldwell’s paper notes system can be, I am certain that a little piece of paper, not…
You’ve seen the official 2 minute match highlights package. But now, here’s the stuff they deemed too sexy for YouTube or even the Internet. Warning: contains Grant Holt David ‘Two Shots’ Perkins and Stephen ‘Not Neil’ Warnock each bursting through midfield with marauding 40 yard whippet runs. Who knew they were so quick? Yanic Wildschut…
If they aren’t shopping lists, and they aren’t crib notes for a forthcoming driving test, then what exactly could those little pieces of paper be all about? Once again, television cameras spotted Wigan Athletic players surreptitiously passing notes between themselves during the Rochdale game on Saturday. Cue wolf whistles from the East Stand, who only…
Note: this article contains violence, conjecture and Grant Holt. You have been warned. Before this weekend, the League One table was finely balanced with most sides having played 37 games. But one round of international fixtures later and BOOM! Teams are flying off in all directions, getting pulled over by over-zealous cops and ploughing through…
So I boarded the E376 Special bus from Wigan Wallgate to Swindon, and there was a guy making weird exhaling noises. Sheepishly swivelling my neck to look, I realised he was using the hanging straps as mini punchbags. Minutes later, the same gentleman was pacing up and down the aisle, shimmying past protruding seats and…
Have you ever taken Easter weekend off, only to thoroughly regret doing so when your inbox is piled to the roof on Tuesday morning? Well, that’s the regrettable situation poor Walsall could soon find themselves in. Owing to tedious international friendly commitments, the Saddlers don’t play at all over Easter – their next game is…
Why is it that Walsall don’t play at all over Easter weekend? You’d think they might have one game at least, but their next scheduled game is against Sheffield United on 2 April. Are they entering an egg rolling competition… or maybe an egg roll competition on The Great British Egg-Off? Perhaps they’re going to…
Question of the Week: Just what was written on those little bits of paper Gary Caldwell was passing to the Wigan Athletic players during the match against Bradford on Saturday? You probably saw Calds carefully rip bits of paper from his flowery notebook before furtively shoving them into his unsuspecting players’ hands. But what exactly…
Ordinarily, you’d think it unusual that a Football League referee has their own Wikipedia page. But in the case of Darren Deadman, the name alone makes him highly worthy of inclusion in any encyclopedia of questionable Rafa Benitez ‘facts’. Not that Mr Deadman would approve. It is a sad reflection of modern footballing society that…
The elusive Davidus Chairmanus Sharpus doesn’t give many interviews. He’s very careful who he talks to about his nights out on King Street and jagerbombs in the Wembley royal box. I don’t know what ‘Jagger bombs’ are, but I presume they may be a rather explosive dance created by that happy clapping lead singer of…