Strange things cable network commentators say Vol. IX

*Names altered to protect identities.

“Even though Team ST are trailing Team WA 4-1, there is always the chance there will be a repeat of Team WA’s dramatic concession of three late goals to Team SU two months ago. Because things like that happen every week in this league… I think. This is the first League O game I have seen since Manchester City were playing in it.”

Author’s note: Oh dear, it seems Team WA have a reputation for conceding late goals now!

“Team WA are fifteen games unbeaten and playing the best football in League O. Team ST, meanwhile, have… erm… er, the league’s top scorer. So this will certainly be a very close game.”

Author’s note: It’s much easier to climb the scoring charts when you have the enviable skill of pinching late consolation goals in heavy defeats.

“Chris Mc is so good that even his mis-hit crosses are inch perfect.”

“Team ST are so bad that even Team WA’s mis-hit crosses are inch perfect.”

Author’s note: John Motson’s Guide to Commentating, Page 1: Cover all your bases… and your backside.

“With a name like Max P, you’d think he’s a character from the Simpsons or something. The Simpsons, tonight at 6pm on Cable Network One!”

Author’s note: Don’t watch, it’s a repeat. Again.

“Team B are top of the league and Team OA are fourth from bottom, therefore Team BA must be the better side. But because Team BA played out a bore draw with Team OA, we will choose never to screen a League O game during international weekend again.”

Author’s note: It seems league positions do lie after all. Well done Oldh- erm, Old Boys of Manchester!

“Listen to our exclusive audio commentary of International Team G vs. International Team E tonight from 7.45pm. Now with as-live teletext updates and a 2-minute delay!”

Author’s note: Or just watch a live feed of the game in full colour on the other channel, which apparently does not exist any more. Incidentally, I once accidentally mentioned ITV at Salford Media City and got thrown in the Ship Canal.

“Team BA will now find it difficult to prevent team WA overtaking them to win League O.”

Author’s note: Ah, wait… I can’t argue with that one! I guess they do make sense sometimes.

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